


It was my Fault.

by RainbowLotus



Series: Rehabilitation [1]
Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Best Friends, Canon Backstory, Couch Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lion feels guilt for what happened during the Ebola epidemic, M/M, Monty gives Lion a shoulder to cry on, Other notes about Lion's background, Poor Life Choices, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-06-25 06:25:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19740073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowLotus/pseuds/RainbowLotus
Summary: After working with team Rainbow for quite a while, Lion begins to reflect on his past. This takes a serious toll on him, and when Montagne returns home to their shared apartment, Lion is unable to keep in the guilt that he had been hiding for years. Thankfully, his roommate is more than willing to help him get through it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Grain_Crain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grain_Crain/gifts), [kiki_92](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiki_92/gifts).



> This is dedicated to two friends that have been with me and writing with me for the siege fandom for a long time, and they're practically veterans on Archive compared to me. Thank you Kiki and Grain_Crain for being the best friends a woman could have.

Olivier exhaled in pure exhaustion as he trudged through the lobby of his apartment building to get to the elevator. He had his rather large duffel bag that stored his gear slung over his shoulder, and his free hand made an attempt to tame the wild mane that was his hair. However, the ginger-brown colored locks refused to cooperate, despite the effort made by his fingers to get it to at least mold into one direction, and not be sprawled out everywhere. The receptionist had smiled warmly at him as he entered in that afternoon and greeted him, to which Lion simply smiled and gave a small, tired nod in return to acknowledge her hello, and somewhat return it without seeming like an asshole. Thankfully, it seemed she understood his situation and didn't make any form of conversation so that he could get to the elevator much faster.

As he entered the elevator, Olivier let his duffel bag drop onto the floor of the lift, and he leaned back against the cool metallic surfaced walls. The shivering temperature transferred through his thinly clothed t-shirt, and gave some form of relief from the mild heat they had been experiencing outside. He sucked in a few deep breaths and let them out in order to calm his nerves.

Work had been a little infuriating, to say the least. Lion had made a rather good decision to go home early after having a rough encounter with one SAS soldiers, Mike was his name, Olivier reminded himself gingerly in his thoughts. The name left a huge imprint into his memory, one he wasn't sure lived up to the mark that was imprinted into his jaw by Thatcher's fist. Today had not been a good day for either of them, looking back on it. However, Mike had approached Olivier to speak with him about a training simulation that would be happening the next day, and it must have pinched a nerve for the french specialist, because he lashed out with some nasty words, resulting in Thatcher ultimately decking him hard enough to knock him on his ass.

The worst part had to have been the fact that nobody stood up for him. Not because there wasn't anybody there, but because the people that _were_ there, didn't like him. Not in the slightest. He had mentioned it to Emmanuelle when he told her he was clocking out early, but the fact she didn't ask for details already demonstrated that she didn't care enough to know. Either that, or she had already figured out what had gone wrong. Regardless, Olivier felt personally beaten. The best option was to try and shake it off in the comforts of his home and pray to God, quite literally, that things would end up alright in the end.

His religious faith had always been questioned, with his family, mostly, and whether or not he was actually committed to his beliefs. To be quite honest, he still wasn't entirely certain, but for the past few years, it would seem that it had been unwavering, and that his faith was as strong as it could possibly get. But, in this current situation, it felt like God was only tormenting him, making Olivier suffer for the things he had done.

That thought alone is what sent the quarantine specialist into a spiraling downfall. The second he had returned to the apartment, he threw his things aside, closed the door with a loud slam, and let himself collapse into the soft sofa in the living room. He lied face up, parallel with the furniture beneath him, and he rested an arm across his forehead, eyes gazed menacingly at the ceiling.

 _"Are you takin' a fuckin piss, Flament?"_ Thatcher's voice echoed in Olivier's thoughts, and his free hand gripped the edge of the couch cushion in mild agitation. _"You've got some nerve bailing out on a simulation."_

_Lion simply scowled at Thatcher from where he stood beside him in the mess hall. The French operator had been enjoying his lunch, or what he had left of it when the SAS leader showed up. "I'm not bailing. I just have more important things to work on."_

_"What, like flying those fuckin' drones you don't even make yourself?"_

_Olivier scoffed at the comment. "You would know something about that, wouldn't you?" He snapped viciously. "No. I'm going to be doing some research for my next operation." Seeing the scowl on Mike's face only encouraged the other to spit out one last remark."Man, if only you could actually do something yourself."_

The ginger snapped out of his thoughts and flinched when he heard the TV remote drop onto the floor. The sound had startled him and it was something he hadn't expected. His hands had even raised to get into a more defensive position, only to drop quickly once Lion realized what it was. Though the timing couldn't have been more spot on. It was right as Olivier would have gotten smacked down faster than lighting to a metal rod.

Why did he have to do this to himself? Why did he always have to give such a nasty attitude to everybody when he was in a bad mood? Couldn't he just act mature for one minute and give himself a saving grace? It didn't seem physically possible with how often his connections to other operators had been absolutely destroyed. First Doc, now Thatcher. How wonderful. And those weren't even counting the small arguments he got in on a daily basis.

Glancing over to the fireplace mantle, Olivier frowned a little when he caught a glimpse of him and Finka posing together for a lovely photo. It had been after the Ebola epidemic, when he was really starting to work on CBRN operations. That whole event had been catastrophic, and not for his sake, but for many others who had been involved. He remembered vividly when he was told to make a choice that would impact the pursuit to stop the epidemic before it spread even further. He chose a routine quarantine pattern that would effectively halt the increase spread of the disease, but in that process, he had to take some extra time, to which gave the disease the opportunity to infect a couple of the medical personnel. One that Lion had no knowledge that they had been colleagues with Doc.

He remembered being approached by Gustave following the end of the Ebola outbreak.

_"How could you have let those men die?" His words struck Olivier at the heart, and it unknowingly affected him far after. "You could have saved them-"_

_"Only to let more die instead?!"_ The ginger's lips mouthed the words he had so angrily shouted at Doc. _"I had to make sure that we had the least amount of casualties. I had to make sure everyone was safe." His deep blue eyes pierced into Gustave's dark brown ones. "I didn't want them to die, Kateb. I didn't have a better solution at the time. Would you have rather tens of thousands died or a handful?" He hissed sharply before allowing him to see the frustrated glaze in his fiery glare. "Because I didn't. You're all about preserving lives, right Doc? So why are you yelling at me for this?"_

_Doc kept a cool nature during the whole argument, but once that last question was fired by Lion, he decided to drop the biggest bomb he ever could to make him feel as guilty as he ever could be._

_"Wouldn't you want to do anything to save the people you care about?" When Olivier nodded hesitantly, the shorter medic frowned. "Then why did you let our friends get caught in the quarantine?"_

Olivier curled up on the sofa, making himself into a tiny ball as his chest ached. His heart felt extremely heavy, as though the entire world had suddenly dropped it's weight onto him out of the blue. Why was everything his fault? If he had just tried to listen to everyone else, then maybe things like that, or the event that occurred at the base wouldn't have happened. Perhaps if he had a real personality then he wouldn't have to worry about anything. He could feel welcomed at his workplace, do his job right, and have more than just three GIGN operators as his friends. If only...

His thoughts got interrupted by the sound of the front door to the apartment opening, and heavy footsteps entered before the door shut, and a loud, but familiar voice echoed through the large apartment.

"Olivier," Montagne's voice boomed through the apartment, loud and proud. "Are you home, mon ami?"

Uncurling himself from his ball, the ginger haired man sat up from the couch to meet the gaze of his friend as he looked towards the living room. "Yeah. I came back early to get a jump start on some research." Seeing the other set his bag down and that he was no longer in his uniform made Olivier tilt his head in confusion. "Don't you usually stay late to catch up with the others?"

Gilles shrugged his shoulders, rolling them a little to get a couple kinks out. "If I'm being honest, I didn't really feel like talking today. Already did enough of that at the meeting I had with Six and some of his 'connections'." _In other words, he was having to listen to political nonsense for a couple hours_. The thought amused the CBRN specialist, and he chuckled softly. _The poor guy. He has to go through a lot of that, doesn't he?_

"Well that sounds like a blast." Olivier joked light-heartedly. "Was it about your last OP?" He wondered, watching as his colleague stepped over into the living room and crashed down beside him. Montagne groaned in discomfort as he rubbed the back of his neck with the tips of his fingers.

The shield bearer snorted a quiet laugh. "I wish it was just that." He leaned back to let the couch mold around him and get settled into the soft furniture. "Turns out I'm going to be very busy for the next few weeks training recruits and taking on an assault operation in two weeks from now." Gilles didn't seem very enthused about the whole thing, but the fact that he was stressing out about it so soon was a bit concerning.

"Would you like some help with the recruits?" Lion offered as he leaned on one side of his body to face Montagne. "I don't have a whole lot to do before my operation in a few days. I can help as much as I can."

Gilles hummed quietly before lightly nudging Olivier and speaking in a mellow tone. "You want to help me?" When he saw his friend nod in confirmation, he sighed and turned his head to look him in the eyes. "Tell me what happened between you and Mike today." Olivier frowned and turned to face away from him, almost hiding like a teenager would when they knew they had gotten into some serious trouble. "Come on, Olivier. I had five of our friends come and ask me what happened and that they saw you leave early-" He interrupted himself to get to the most important detail. "I had to keep Julien from trying to pick a fight with the SAS boys today." Olivier stiffened at the mentioning of his other friend trying to do such a thing. If he had succeeded...that wouldn't have ended well.

"They're not my friends." Lion muttered at an almost inaudible level, a sound of distaste in his tone of voice.

Montagne had a look of confusion. "Oli, what are you talking about? Of course they're your friends-"

"No, Gilles." Olivier turned to face him, his cheeks burning red as he tried to keep himself from snapping at the gentle giant in front of him. "They're not my friends... They're yours." After he saw the unknowing look on the other's features, he took a deep breath to explain himself. "You, Emmanuelle, and Julien are my only friends around here.. everyone else hates me."

The black haired man exhaled a short breath and focused his eyes onto the other intently. "Not everyone hates you, mon ami." Monty assured Lion as he wrapped an arm around him and bought the man to sit closer to him. "You just don't see eye to eye with a few of them, which is perfectly fine."

"Thatcher punched me in the face." Olivier deadpanned. "I'd say he hates me plenty."

There was a long pause between the two of them, to which Montagne dedicated that time to trying to figure out how in the world he was going to deal with this. He didn't like seeing his friends blue about something that could be fixed, but with what Lion was presenting to him wasn't a simple fix. Olivier wants a solution, that much is obvious, and he wants to be seen as an equal and not as some sort of enemy when he hasn't done anything wrong. Well, wrong in his own perspective. That was the real problem. Everyone in team Rainbow had their own ideas of what was right and what was wrong. Some of those ideas alligned, and plenty of them don't, which is probably why Lion experienced what he did. His ideas were a bit different.

"Was it something you said?" Olivier glanced up at Gilles when he broke the silence, and he reiterated himself. "That got Mike angry. Was it something you had said?"

The ginger had a rather blank expression. "...No-" He caught the suspicious look on his roommate's face and he sighed in defeat. "I may have...snapped at Mike a little." When prompted to explain what all was said, Lion gave the briefest summary of the day to the best of his ability, not really wanting to linger on anything that was either unimportant, or something that was important, like the fact that he had just been feeling a massive guilt trip on the couch before Gilles had returned home. Thankfully, it seemed he did a good job of explaining without too much detail, and Montagne got the gist of what he did need to know.

"I'd say your best option is to just apologize to Mike." Before Olivier could protest, Monty shushed him and kept talking. "I know you don't feel like you did anything wrong. You felt like you were defending yourself, and I get that, but to Mike, he might have thought you were sassing him without any reason whatsoever. And let me tell you, the SAS really don't take a liking to others mouthing them off."

The CBRN specialist glanced away from his friend to look at the framed pictures on the fireplace mantel, and his eyes glazed over a tiny bit as he saw the one that had taken him back to those unwanted memories from so long ago. "I'll talk to him tomorrow when I'm done with my research."

Montagne nodded before leaning forward, moving his arm back to rest on his lap as he tried to take a look at Olivier's jaw. "I don't see any redness or swelling," He mumbled to himself as he brought his other hand up to lightly touch where his colleague had been hit. "I don't think it will bruise, but...I would go see Gustave before you talk to Mike. Just to be on the safe side."

Olivier tensed and his gaze on the picture was broken as he ripped his attention away to look at the floor. "You know I can't do that, Gilles... I know he doesn't want anything to do with me, and I'd rather have a busted jaw then feel his wrath and tense silence for a couple hours."

The shield bearer seemed very conflicted about the statement as a whole, but decided to address one thing first above all else. "I never heard it from either of you, but what caused all of this? What made you two not like each other?"

"Let me ask you something first..." Lion stood up, walked over to the mantel and picked up the picture frame containing the beautiful picture of Finka and himself after their operation, and handed the framed image to his friend, who took is carefully in his own hands to observe it for any clues. He almost didn't catch onto it, but in the background, at a desk, was Gustave, and he was holding a set of dog tags.

"Wouldn't you want to do anything for those you care about?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivier explains his turmoil between Doc and himself to Montagne. The guilt finally trips him over his own feet and Gilles is more than ready to catch him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had so much fun planning out this fanfic and I am hyped to do more with this in the future. Be prepared for a continuation in the series following the end of this chapter~

"Olivier-" Montagne interrupts himself, his fingers gripping onto the image in his hands and he gazed up at his friend in confusion. "I don't-"

"Just answer it, please." The ginger insisted quietly, keeping his eyes averted from the shield bearer as he slumped his shoulders and leaned against the wall adjacent to where the couch was. He hugged himself tightly with his arms as he awaited for some form of response, anything. But, it would seem Lion's compatriot was taking a good portion of thought into how he wanted to answer the seemingly simple question. If Olivier was asking it so timidly, then it must have meant a great deal towards what is currently brewing between him and Gustave.

"Well, If you want my honest opinion," Gilles rubbed the back of his neck and leaned back into the sofa, allowing the cushions to ease the tension from his spine and get him to relax while he explained his thoughts. "I would do just about anything to protect my friends." He then exhaled a nervous, breathy laugh. "But it is also my _job_. I protect everyone in the best way I can, and sometimes it works out, other times it doesn't." He hummed softly as he went at an attempt to rephrase it upon noticing Olivier's stiff form. "I will try and do everything I can to protect the people I care about, but that also doesn't mean I will succeed."

What followed genuinely startled Monty. It wasn't some sort of snarky remark to pass off his feelings or a try at disregarding the conversation. There was only silence. It was unsettling, especially for someone like Olivier. He was never one to be the silent type, in any circumstance.

"Oli," Gilles called to him in the softest, most gentle way he could, given his big and quite loud nature, similar to his colleague's. "Talk to me, _mon frère._ " The usually loud and rambunctious operator remained still, his quietness beginning to stir a crazed sensation, one much to Montagne's disliking with each second it remained. He could see what was going on, and it was so obvious by Olivier's body language. The CBRN specialist was starting to clam up, and hide away, to push back these old feelings that could of just now resurfaced.

Lion gazed hopelessly at the carpeted floor of the living room, his sock covered toes curling into the plush material as if he were trying to grasp onto something familiar, anything at all. "I..." His voice nearly croaked, and the ginger had to swiftly clear his throat to cover it up. "Gustave had asked me that same question... a long time ago," He began, his hands now fidgeted with one another to keep his mind occupied and away from the thoughts of breaking down right then and there. "Not long before I was recruited into the CBRN."

This was going to be the first time Olivier had ever spoken about the incident to anyone, excluding the brief mentioning of it during his recruitment. He had always kept the Ebola outbreak situation under wraps and never once considered bringing it up to someone, for the fear that it might be used against him, that he might be betrayed if someone had this knowledge. Telling this to Gilles...it was no easy task.

Thankfully, his understanding comrade gave him a reassuring smile, small, but genuine. Then, he patted the open spot next to him on the couch, offering an open arm to embrace around his shoulders. To which, Olivier hesitantly accepted, and plopped down beside him, and carefully leaned back to feel not just the sofa cushions, but also a strong arm wrapped around him. It felt...nice. That was the only way Lion could describe it at the moment.

"It..." Olivier braced himself mentally before he made the decision to finally break down the steel walls he had been keeping up for ages. His hands clutched as his knees for some form of support as he shakily continued onward, "It happened during the Ebola crisis. The disease was spreading much faster than either Gustave's group or mine could predict... We had to start forming a quarantine perimeter, make sure that nobody else gets caught in the storm." He mumbled towards the end, his grip turning the tips of his knuckles white. Gilles noticed this and rested his right hand on top of Olivier's left, lightly prying the other Frenchman's hand free from his knee and intertwining their fingers. After he had done that, Lion's other hand was no longer having such a vice hold on his right knee. It just lay there, limp and slightly pale.

Olivier took in a deep breath and waited a few seconds before exhaling it to give him room to breathe normally as he progressed through the recount of his memory. "Our commanding officer of the operation asked me to make a choice in how to set up our perimeter, since I was one of the more experienced with handling these sorts of things." He bounced one foot up and down anxiously, getting an unlikable feeling that Montagne was judging him. "By the time everything was set up, and I had made my choice... a few of the medical personnel had gotten infected with the virus. They were already too far into the contamination that there wouldn't have been a way to cure them. I... I hadn't known at the time but-" Lion felt as though he had to choke out the rest of the words because of how dry his throat had suddenly gotten. "One of those unfortunate men...they had been a close friend of Gustave's."

Montagne whistled quietly at how hard that must have hit Olivier when he had found out after the whole ordeal. He could almost visualize how Doc must have appeared once everything had ended, and he had lost someone so close. Glancing down at the picture in his hands once more, Gilles frowned and felt a severe tug at his chest. _Those dog_ _tags..._ the man thought solemnly as he looked at Gustave's form in the background, looking on at the pieces of etched-in metal with a grieving silence.

Lion sniffled as quietly as he could and tried to hide his burning shame written all over his features. "Gustave told me it was my fault... that I had been to slow to react and only cared about getting it done fast and ineffectively." His left hand squeezed Montagne's right as he felt his heart begin to pound and ache with overwhelming guilt. "I- I didn't know how to react... I had felt so- so _angry_ that he would even accuse me of such a thing..." Olivier's vision began to blur subtly, but eventually it felt as though he was blinded. "I didn't even realize..." His voice finally broke and the ginger blinked, causing a couple tears to trickle down his cheeks.

"Oli..." Monty looked at his friend, who was struggling to stay composed, body shaking with agony and his face reddening from how tight he was keeping himself. Firmly, but gently, Gilles turned to lie his back against the arm rest of the sofa, and pulled Olivier to lie on top of him, making the other wrap his arms around him in a bear hug of sorts. Gilles softly cooed the slightly shorter operator as he finally broke down, his face buried into Monty's chest, and his arms hugged him desperately as he sobbed out, almost like a cry for help.

Gilles carded his fingers through the other's bright ginger locks, and he used his free hand that wasn't toying with Olivier's hair to rub his back for some much needed comfort.

"It's all my fault!" Lion cried loudly into Montagne's shirt, hiccuping on his words as he expressed his frustrations that had finally taken their toll throughout the day. "Gustave has every right to be mad at me. I deserve every bit of hatred for what I did."

The shield bearer hummed in discontent at how quick Olivier was to throw himself under the bus. It was hard to watch someone he found to be near family at their breaking point and all of their walls crumbling down to nothing. He had never seen his friend in such a state before, being so vulnerable. It was almost as if he had become someone completely different...someone that had tried to protect themselves with all of those walls. With all of those now gone...all that was left was just the broken soul of someone who couldn't bear to live with his mistakes.

Smiling calmly, Gilles continued to rub his hand along the other's back, but the hand that had formerly been in Lion's hair was now brushing up to wipe away the man's tears. "I think you're being too hard on yourself." Montagne admitted in a low tone of voice, a soothing one. "You tried your best to keep everyone safe, right?" When he saw Olivier nod with a few sniffles, he proceeded. "You didn't intend on anyone getting hurt, right?" Another silent nod. This made Monty give one of his charming smiles, one that could brighten a whole room. "Then you have nothing to be guilty for." He could feel Olivier's tremors become less frequent, which was a good sign. "You couldn't have known that they would have been exposed to the virus. You said it yourself, you tried your best to get them cured... that's all you could really do at that point." He assured him softly, looking into Lion's gorgeous blue eyes once they emerged from where he had been hiding in his chest.

"Olivier," Gilles tilted his head curiously. "Did you ever try to talk to Gustave after all of that?"

The ginger wiped his eyes with the back of his hands before propping himself up a little to respond to him. "I..." Lion sighed to himself. "I never considered it. I thought he might just ignore me or...well..." He averted his gaze. "You get the idea."

Montagne nodded slowly. "I think I do." He made sure to be very cautious about bringing up the suggestion he had stored away for when this conversation would be over. "Don't you think you should try and clear things up with him? Maybe things will go a lot better than you'd expect. Gustave usually isn't one to hold serious grudges."

Olivier took a minute to ponder the idea before he lied back down onto Monty, nuzzling his head against his chest as the other wrapped his arms around his waist. "I'll talk to him... sooner rather than later."

Gilles smiled and kissed the top of Lion's head and brought a hand up to playfully ruffle his messy locks of hair. "And when you do, I'll be there if you need support." He could hear Olivier exhale deeply in relief before the other surprised him by leaning up to give Montagne a kiss on the cheek.

" _Merci, Gilles. Je t'aime beaucoup..."_

Those whispered words sparked a fire in Gilles' heart, and he couldn't help but snuggle the man as close as he could and tugged the throw blanket off the edge of the couch and laid it over their bodies. He felt a sudden rush of affection, and an instant desire to protect one of the most fragile things he had come across so far in his career. He never realized how damaged his friend had really been. And now? He was extraordinarily happy to be able to call him his lover. His amour.

As Olivier drifted off into a cozy nap, Montagne savored the feeling that Lion was now beginning a new stage of his life, something that he was able to help out with. It was amazing to see just how far Olivier had developed since they first met. In the months to come, with a little optimism, encouragement, and dedication, Gilles believed that maybe the GIGN could be a whole family, never having to feel separated from one another ever again. The thought made Montagne grin.

All his little lion needed was some courage...

And he had finally found it, right in his own home that he shared with the shield bearer.

Now, Olivier wouldn't have to go on this journey alone.


End file.
